At ITN we are "Facing a Catastrophe" or so we are told, in words and big letters, set on the backdrop. We went over to Tom in Sheffield who was "wading through the floodwaters". Tom navigated us through all the goings on, complete with the usual images. Somewhere in the background I swear I heard hymns being sung.
There are billions of litres of water potentially waiting to surge through Sheffield though and we drifted over to Emma at the Dam. Hoping to see a prostitute in a shop window in Holland, I raised my weary eyes to see a waterproof wearing reporter telling us virtually nothing. More helicopter views though and images of "foul water". Chicken soup anyone? More emergency supplies were shown being handed out and a group of indviduals loitered at a street corner, idling away time, drinking beer. These characters lived further up the hill. Bagginses.
Inflatable rescue craft like the ones the african migrants use were shown and even more helicopter views, our reporter said it "was heartbreaking to fly over houses and think of all the damage". What's your shadow saying though, mate. Anyway, ITN like their witchhunts and so we require a scapegoat. In this case it is the council and ITN highlighted this by showing a reporter leafing through three reports which were written, warning the council this may happen.
Two of the reports were written in the last fortnight, the other some ten years ago. The reporter angrily slapped down the reports on the desk in the manner of Alan Sugar at an Apprentice interview and we cut to the author of the oldest report, a Billy Bragg look and sound-a-like. Billy told us of his frustrations at being ignored. It was time for a discussion on whether climate change was to blame and we saw Milliband and heard some "scientific opinions"
Gordon Brown and Quentin again next. Tom Brady, the ITN chief political editor, can smell a rat and as such, grilled Quentin, again in the manner of Alan Sugar. "Did you write this", he almost roared as he waved a bit paper furiously. And "what about the timing". He asked his questions from a comfy "headmasters" type chair, I didnt think to look at Quentins but will endeavor to to this in future. I hadnt thought of it.
We had time for Tony and Arnie again. This time again in a clear "double cover" type shennanigan. Tony was speaking and advised that "my press officer said to me this morning, what ever you say, dont say, I'll be back". No Tony, your press officer told you to say - "he said dont say". No sign of the Hoff yet but...
Gaza next, Alan Johnston, we are told that further death threats have been made to him after two arrests.
Prince of Wales again, this time inspecting vegetables.
Last but not least, s Paris Hilton is freed and we saw countless paparazzi following and photographing her. We were told that the Paparazzi were her constant companions on the way home. We saw some helicopter images of her returning to her house and her beloved dog, Tinkerbell. Finally, we were asked "Is she just shallowness in high heels".
Is it just me - Paris, Diana, Paparazzi. Floods, Helicopter views, shallowness.