As reporters are banned from the country, we went to next door neighbour, Thailand, where reporter Andrew Harding was on hand to tell us more. It seems that very few monks had been seen on the streets yesterday, reason being that overnight, a number had been "dragged from their beds, beaten and arrested". We saw images of the remaining civilian protesters, ordered to disperse from the streets with 10 minutes notice, before soldiers unleased a volley of shots, "mostly over their heads". Curiously, we were told an "eye witness" had telephoned Andrew to advise him a man had been shot and, sure enough, we then saw images of a body lying in the street. I could not quite follow the logic of this, given the location of our reporter but anyhow, we were told that the corpse, if that was what it was, was "possibly a Japanese photographer". This part of the report closed with images of a police raid on a hotel, packed with media it seemed along with a clip of Burmese state television, where they called the BBC liars.
It was time for reporter Gavin Hewitt to refresh our minds as to the reasons behind this "uprising for democracy" and he told how, initially, rising prices had forced some of the half a million monks of the country, out on to the streets. It seems that some of these initial religious protestors had been hurt in the action and that an apology had been requested from the authorities. None was forthcoming and this had fueled further demonstrations which seemingly now could be classed as a "pro democracy campaign". Further information was provided, some of the police are Buddhists and wont attack the monks, additionally, the monks are "denying contributions" from anyone connected with the "military regime" leading to a potential, perhaps perceived, "spiritual neglect"
We moved on to our government as we heard that Jack Straw, our Justice Secretary,has announced plans to clarify the current laws over individuals intervening in cases of law breaking. Reference was made to Angus Campbell who tackled one of the July 21st shoe bombers and an interview was shown with an individual who's identity had been concealed from the camera, but had stabbed a prospective burglar at his business. The individual, who wore a cowboy hat, told us "woe betide anyone who takes the law into his own hands". However, the BBC advised us that "reasonable force could be employed" and that even if you "kill the intruder", that should be okay as long as there was no malice or revenge associated. I am slightly doubtful about this, so would not recommend it, although we were assured that there "are very few prosecutions" for anyone carrying out a citizens arrest.
We stayed with the Government and travelled to meet Nick Robinson, the BBC political editor, to hear of the possibility of an early general election. A local election was held in Portsmouth yesterday and Nick felt that the result of this could have a huge bearing on the decision. As such, we some some exiting voters interviewed for their opinions, an old dear said "yes, then we could have a proper Prime Minister" in reference to Gordon Brown stepping in to Tony Blair's shoes before we then saw some Labour politicians interviewed, Harriet Harman and Jacki Smith both seemed confident that Gordon would make the right decision. It seems that the Labour Party have ordered some temporary staff for next week and this has led to increased speculation; Nick closed by telling us of a "throw of the electoral dice".
Coming up - "all over for energy wasting lightbulbs".
First though, some other potential energy wasters; old people. We heard how basically, once you are past it, you are treated like shite, with a total lack of privacy and dignity; and to verify this an interview was shown with a young man, Steven Baldwin, who had watched his father Stanley, waste away, and finally die, whilst in a retirement care home. It seems that out of 23 care homes inspected, 18 were found to offer a sub-standard service. Our caring government has demanded that OAP's are treated with "dignity and respect", giving the illusion that the rest of us are.
Miles Cooper from Cambridge followed, he was the school janitor who was found with a "bomb factory" in his bedroom. Miles pleaded guilty to sending letter bombs to a variety of government agencies, giving his reason as worries over "government controls over individuals".
Another case of the dreaded blue tongue disease has been discovered in a cow, close to the other handful of cases.
Elton John was next, one of his artworks, Klara and Edda belly-dancing, has been seized by the police due to its potential paedophile content. We saw the photograph, its offending section had been blacked out but we were told it showed a young girl with her legs spread. The BBC showed the non edited version to various members of the passing public, some seemed pretty shocked and one advised that it "might stimulate people who were that way inclined. It seems we live in "fevered times" when it comes to this type of matter and we saw an American lady, obviously with a touch of the aformentioned disease, who ranted "what parent allows their children's genitals to become art".
The promised lightbulb story followed, it seems that they will be phased out by 2011; somehow we cut to America and Condoleezza Rice to hear of further green proposals
1) Technology - everyone wants green technology
2) America want India and China to agree to any global solutions, although we were told this
may not be feasible due to their current climb "out of poverty"
3) Voluntary - and we saw protestors with placards, one said its a PR scam.
I hope readers can make some sense out of it, I am afraid could not.
Britain's state was next, not police but economic - it seems that we may require lower interest rates if we are to prevent a house price crash as the market is "vulnerable".
To close was a seemingly light hearted feature on a hoax website which has been constructed by a man living in Thailand, and shows pictures and details of a ficticious beach called Porthemmet, in Cornwall. It seems that some individuals have been taken in by the fraud and have tried to locate the seaside resort which does not exisit, the name being a pun on the local Cornwellian slang for a tourist - an emmet. We closed by hearing that after the great white shark hoax which was also recently in the news, "Cornwall could get a name for itself". It seems to your writer that this is firstly discrediting the internet and secondly, could it be that something is strange is going to happen, in Cornwall ?
cheers
Miles - The mild mannered janitor
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